Emotional Validation

Emotional validation is a very important skill you can use in every relationship, especially with your significant others. This skill is a sign that you care about them, you listen to them and that you understand them.

Remember that validation doesn’t mean you agree. You can validate someone even if you don’t agree with them.

Here are the steps to emotionally validate somebody:

1. Let the person complete their story, try not interrupt, so you have all the facts, and more importantly, so they know you are aware of their feelings. If you don’t let them complete their story and comment about it, there is a chance you may have misunderstood and they won’t feel understood.

2. Tell them you get what happened to them  (whether you agree with that perspective or not). “I understand what happened from your perspective” – Remember, understanding doesn’t meet agreeing.

3. Tell them you understand how they felt. “I understand you felt very angry when _____.”

4. Tell them their feelings are completely reasonable: “I would have felt the same thing if I was in your situation”

5. Convey empathy for their hurt or angry feelings. Doing so does not mean you agree or disagree with them(e.g., “I get how annoyed you must have felt waiting for me at the for half an hour and that it put you in a terrible mood. But your text said to meet you at 8, not 7:30”)


Ipek Aykol, LMFT#79395